Memorial Rainout....I mean Weekend

This Texas weather has been crazy. It has rained most of the month of May. And Memorial Day weekend was no exception. 

I had my heart set on laying by the pool with a cold beverage all day Sunday and Monday. But the weather had other plans. 

Saturday morning the girls and I got up and headed to town to do a little shopping with Nina.

Purses- check! Sunshades- check! Let's shop! 

 The rain poured on and off. But these two Vera Bradley carrying divas forged on! 

They cracked me up carrying their purses all day. 

When we got home, the rain had let up a little, so I took the girls down to swim for a bit at the Riley's. 

Carter did everything in his power to not have his picture taken! 

Turkey!! 

Sunday, we all watched the rain and as soon as we saw sun we were dressed and out the door! 

Finally! SUN!! 

The kids played all day with Carter, Landry, Madison and Maylee. It turned out to be a great day! 

This was my favorite picture. Maylee and Macie eating watermelon by the pool. I prefer to call them Peat and REpeat! 

 Monday we got up and showered and headed to town to visit the Whittingtons and their new foster baby- Peanut! Afterwards we went to Buffalo Wild Wings. The girls were cold, and tried to snuggle. 

I sure love these monkeys! Even if they do drive me batty! 

On the way home the newest round of weather moved in a little faster than planned. So we decided to stop

At Pops and Memaw's to put the car in the shop and avoid hail. The girls got wet,and we're cold. Pops provided a great way to warm up!! 

We ended up staying the rest of the evening! It was a great time just relaxing and being together. Macie took a nap, Josh napped across his parents bed, I rested on the couch, and Brenna chilled in the exercise room. Great time! We ended the day with Emily, Joey, and Wyatt coming over for spaghetti. It turned out to be a great weekend of doing not much! Just a glimpse of the joy to come with SUMMER! 

Field Day (sort of) and the weekend

Last Friday, Brenna's school had their field day. However, with this crazy Texas weather we have been having.... plans had to be altered due to the rain. Brenna was a little disappointed, but not too bad. She was most disappointed because I couldn't stay the whole time. Last year, I stayed for most of field day then brought her back to work with me for the remainder of the day, which she LOVED. This year, I had to get to work to handle some things, and had to get Macie to school. But I DID get to go for a bit.
Macie always seems excited to go to Brenna's school and talks a lot about it when she knows we are going, but when we get there, it's a whole other story. I am pretty sure this child would have crawled into a hole and hid if she could have found one to crawl in! She HATES crowds. Her personality can be so outgoing and sweet when she is around people she knows.(Notice I said CAN be. It's not a guarantee with this child. Ever.)But place her in a large group of people she doesn't know and she retreats into her shell. I am a TAD concerned about Kindergarten. She talks the big talk all the time about being excited. However, I know from past experience that that is all talk once she is thrown into a new setting. I am praying for a smooth transition for her next year. Mostly, I am praying for her teacher. God Bless that woman, whom ever she may be! 

When we got to the gym with Brenna's class, I realized how chaotic it was. There were two grades of kids packed in there doing different activities, along with a ton of parents. It was almost more than this mama could handle! So we squeezed in between Sarah Riley and Kristi Farmer. Macie, obviously, was glued to me. 

I tried to get a cute selfie with her, but this shows just exactly how happy she was to be there. 

So, I joined her. Thinking this would make her smile..... I was wrong. 

Sarah and I even tried to take a picture with her..... Nope. Still not gonna happen! 

Oh that child. God is using her. Using her TO TEACH ME PATIENCE! 

On to the field day..... 

Once it got started, Brenna was as happy as could be! I got to watch her do the basketball drill.....

And the hippidy hop race......

She kicked tail at this one! 

It probably helps that we have 2 of these at home that the girls play on all the time. Look at the pure joy on her face! Warms my heart.  

After this race I decided it was time for Macie and I to go. She was miserable and I was getting chlostrophobic in there! These pictures make it look empty- but I assure you it was far from it! 

The rest of our weekend was pretty busy. Friday night the Riley's came over for dinner. It was nice to just chill. 

Saturday was HECTIC to say the least. We started with Brenna's volleyball tournament at 10. I never dreamed they would advance. (Yep- I know. Way to think positive, Mom!) yet- they did! 

This was the score after the first game! 

I was one proud Mama! 

This meant she advanced to the next round at 2:00. At the exact same time Macie had a birthday party for her friend Marissa. Ugh. It also meant we had 3 hours to kill. So we went to lunch with Graddy, went to Wyatt's game, and went to visit Aunt Jana in the hospital since she had surgery the day before. 

At 2:00, the second round started- against the #2 team in the league! I was so proud of these girls! They played 3 10 minute games. They lost one, tied one, and won one. They were only 7 points from advancing again! That's awesome! These girls have come so far since they started playing in the fall. I was so proud. 

From there, I took Macie to Marissa's party (an hour late). We missed the swimming part, but got there for cake and presents. 

I couldn't help but capture this picture of her and another friend from the Schoolhouse sharing a secret. 

From there, we went home for a nap! It was much needed since I had to go to the prom at 9:30. Yes, 9:30 PM! Apparently they don't know I turn into a pumpkin at 10.  

I asked Josh to take my picture since Sarah had asked for my prom picture- and the wise guy I married flipped my camera around and took this whole I stood in front of him smiling. 

Yep. He's something else. 

So- Becky took one for me. 

Prom turned out to be fun. It's always nice when I get to hang out with these two gems. 

Carolyn and Heather make any school event more fun! 

Sunday morning, we went to church with Graddy. This picture melts me! 

After lunch, Dad kept the kids so that I could go to the grocery store....alone! That's like Christmas to a Mama! Once I got there, I realized someone had hijacked my list at some point.... 

I love that girl! 

After we got home, we went to the Riley's to swim for a bit. I sent this picture to several picture with a caption that read.. "Dear Summer, please hurry!" 

And after a crazy weekend like that- I need summer to arrive quickly! I'm exhausted! 

I hate the C word.

I have hated the word Cancer for a long time. But 3 years ago today- I began to really despise it. 3 years ago today, I was at work, going about my business knowing that my Mom had had her biopsy a couple days ago and the results should be in within the next couple days. But when the bell rang, I checked facebook and saw a friend of Moms had posted a status saying he was praying for a friend that had gotten bad news. Instantly- I knew. I knew who he was talking about, and what he was talking about. Sure, it could have been about a million other things or people. But I just knew. So I called Mom, and she told me. It was cancer. I still remember the feeling I had. I will never forget how my stomach dropped into my toes. Not MY Mom. This happens to other people. Not us. But- here we were. It DID happen to us. If I could go back to that day, and know how it would turn out....I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't want to know that this disease was going to take her from me. From all of us. I was so scared that day. I remember falling apart and having to stop at a friends house to regain my composure before I picked up Brenna. She held me while I cried, and reassured me that it would be ok. I picked up both kids and drove straight to Mom's shop. I expected her to be upset and crying. But she wasn't. She grabbed ME and told ME that it was going to be ok. She was the one with a battle ahead of her, and she was comforting me. Because that's what my Mama did. And I looked at her and told her that YES it was going to be ok. That we would do this and we would win. I earned an invisible cheerleader outfit that day. Not intentionally. But God began to use me. My Mama had always been my biggest fan and biggest supporter in anything I did in my life. And without doing it consciously, that day I became her cheerleader. I never once let her think I felt hopeless. Nor did I tolerate that attitude from her. But in the bottom of my heart- I was scared. I didn't know what the future held. I had no idea that exactly 3 years later, I would have lived 3 months without her. 3 months without the person who I talked to on the phone numerous times a day. The person who I told everything to. The person who was proud of me. The person who knew me better than I know myself. I still find myself saying "how can she really be gone?" Every time the girls say something funny or I take a cute picture of them, I still open the text on my phone and want to send it to her. Then I have to think- who do I send this one to? I have several options- don't get me wrong. But I want to send it to HER. Then I find myself mad. Mad that she isn't here. Mad that she SHOULD me here. No, I'm not mad at her. I could never be mad at her. She fought so hard to stay here. I'm not mad at God. I'm not mad AT anyone. I'm just mad. I'm mad at CANCER. I absolutely despise the word. Some days I just want to scream-IT ISNT FAIR! I really wanted to scream it today when Macie asked if she could take a bath in MeMawMom's bathtub. I told her not today. So she said "oh. Can I take one in there when she comes back?" It was so hard to look at her and say "she isn't coming back baby girl. She's in heaven. When you go to heaven, you stay there forever." To which she replied "NO you don't. She is coming back."  Seriously- how do you answer that? I couldn't. I finally told her that we would talk about it later. I just couldn't do it right then. But it just goes to show that even when you think kids "get" it- they don't. Once again- it's not fair! 

I understand that in life we aren't promised fair. If we were, MeMawMom would be here to watch her two favorite little girls grow up. If life were fair, I wouldn't constantly be hearing of yet another friend being diagnosed with cancer. Just in the last week, we said good bye to our precious Laura Tyra who put up a great fight against the C word, Josh found out a good friend in the cabinet business has Cancer, and we found out that a precious friend that helped us so much in Mom's hospice care has breast cancer. Geez. When does it stop?? It's just not FAIR! 

But after I have my little crying pity parties that I need some days (like today), I pull myself together and remember that no matter what evils this world holds, there is something much greater waiting for all of us. We have the promise of eternal life. We have the promise of no pain, no sorrow, and even though it doesn't specifically say it in the Bible, we have the promise of no cancer! And my Mama is experiencing the wonders of Heaven. She is walking the streets of gold in glory land. She knows no sorrow. No pain...... I can only imagine. 

So- why did I spill that all? Truth is, I don't know. I just felt drawn to get it all out. Sometimes I just feel better after venting. And sometimes it's just nice to know I'm not alone. Maybe at some point I'm showing someone ELSE that they aren't alone in how they feel. Sometimes it's nice to know that the feelings and emotions I have are normal. Many times people walk up to me and say "how are you doing?"  I always smile and say "I'm doing ok!" And I wonder if they think I am heartless or that I don't care. But if I blurted out "I'm hurting" or "I'm really sad today" or "I friggin miss her!" people would probably have no idea what to say! And I would leave myself open for voulnerability that I can't handle. So, if you are one of the amazing people that asks how I'm doing, (which I appreciate- don't get me wrong!) and I smile and say I'm doing ok, just know that some days- I really am doing ok! I have my emotions in check and I am dealing pretty well. But other days, like today apparently, I'm struggling. I'm missing her. I'm mad at the situation. I'm mad that cancer took her from us too soon. I'm mad that too many other people I love and care about are fighting this beast as well. Days like today, I'm stuck in the "it's not fair" mentality. However, tomorrow is a new day! A fresh start. Another day to love my sweet angel girls, my awesome husband, my Daddy, and the rest of my family and friends. 

3 years ago today, life changed. I changed. Forever. I'm not gonna say it's all been bad change. I've grown so much in the last 3 years. I've grown as a friend, a Mommy, a wife, a daughter, and most of all as a Believer. Even though my mental stability has been questionable (ha!) my faith has not. I know who holds tomorrow. I know who holds my hand on the good days AND the bad. For that, I'm thankful. I am thankful for the promise of eternal life. For the promise that 3 months ago tomorrow, I didn't have to say "good bye" to my Mama. I just had to say "I'll see you when I get there!" Thank you Lord for that. And thank you for carrying me on the days when I was too weak to walk. Each day gets a little easier to face. We still miss her every single day, but we are all learning what this new normal looks like. We don't like the new normal, but we are accepting it. One day at a time. That's all we can do. 

Mother's Day 2015

I want to document Mother's Day 2015, because I want to be able to look back next year and see how far I have come on this journey. And hitting each of these "firsts" without Mom is a milestone to being able to move forward. Not that we are moving ON without her, because that will never happen. But with each milestone we reach we are more confident that we will be able to move forward with our new normal. We are forever changed because she is gone, but our new mission is to figure out this new normal way of life. Mother's day seemed to me to be a biggie. How do you celebrate Mother's day without your Mother?? I didn't know, but I knew it had to be done because I AM a Mother, and my baby girls were so excited about celebrating ME. So, as with everything else I have had to do lately that is hard...one step at a time.
Sunday morning, we all slept in due to the storms that came through Saturday night and kept the girls up on and off throughout the night. Macie woke me up at 9:20....and we needed to leave for church by 10:30! SO-jumped up and got in the shower, which apparently threw a kink in the girls plans to serve me breakfast in bed. So as soon as I got my hair dried, they instructed me that I had to go back to bed! Then they came in with their Daddy and delivered this beautiful tray to me. It was my very first breakfast in bed, and I loved it!

And these two cuties were so proud of themselves! 

It was the best start to a day I was dreading. 

I told josh not to get me anything for Mother's Day. There wasn't anything I needed or wanted, and I didn't want to waste money on something I didn't need. But being the great husband he is, he came up with the perfect gift anyway. I had been wanting to get a picture of Mom and I to put on the wall with a sign that a friend made for me, but hadn't done it yet. Josh did perfect. 

And he took the hand picture from my phone and put it in this frame. 

Yes- I cried. How did I get so lucky to get a man that would do such thoughtful and meaningful things?? He's a keeper for sure. 

Our church was doing Mother's Day portraits, and after the service we got ours made. I was pleasantly surprised at how it turned out! 

I figured the line would be long, so I didn't really plan for us to do pictures, but I'm glad it worked out! 

After church we headed over to Aunt Kim's for lunch. Despite the pouring rain, we had a great time! 

Table #1

Table #2

And Kyson took my phone and snapped my picture because he said I needed to be in one. Yet- looking back, I don't see HIM in a single picture! 

These girls sure do love their Aunt Kim! But I think the feeling is mutual. 

We ended up leaving right after lunch because the rain was so heavy, we wanted to get home and check the creek by our house. 

Dad ended up coming over, and I let the guys beat me at a game of Hand and Foot Canasta. 

Sometimes you just gotta let them win so that they don't get frustrated and quit playing. So I took one for the team this time. 

While we were playing cards, I looked over and the girls were playing Littlest Pet Shop and Polly Pocket. 

What cracks me up about this is that Macie got a TON of new toys at her birthday party the day before. Yet, they dug out their old favorites and were content in the living room. Love it! 

That evening, we went and got dinner and took it to Pops and Memaw's to eat. 

It was nice to spend some time with everyone that day. It sure helped.
When Josh asked me what I wanted to do for Mother's day, I told him I wasn't sure. He said we could go somewhere for the day, or just stay home in our pajamas all day. I told him the LAST thing I wanted to do was to stay home all day and do nothing. That's when my emotions creep up on me and I get very emotional. Down time is not my friend when I am feeling sad. It tends to magnify my feelings times ten. So I told him I wanted to be busy that day. I wanted to be with Dad all day. Dad is my safe place. I guess it's a normal thing, but now that Mom is gone, I am finding myself needing my Daddy so much more. He and I have always been close, but without my Mama- I just NEED my Daddy. He and I have said many times that we can't do this alone- but we will do this together. And that we will!
I couldn't have made it through the day without the wonderful support from texts, fb messages, and thoughtful friends who did great things like bring me flowers. I have always known that I had wonderful friends, but wow. In my darkest times- wonderful people just come out of everywhere! I am so blessed. And no amount of sorrow can keep me from realizing that! My friends are the best!!
SO- Mother's day 2015 is in the books. The first one behind me. And I made it. I'm not going to say it was always pretty- but I made it! There were times when I wasn't sure I could make it through the next 5 minutes when the sorrow was so heavy. But here I am- almost 3 months later, and I am still making it. And ya know what? I will continue to make it. Because that's what my Mama would have wanted! She raised me to keep on keeping on, no matter what. And I pray that I can instill that value in my children. No matter what life throws at you, you get up, put a smile on, and keep on going. It's a way of life. It was HER way of life. I am so thankful that she taught me so many wonderful things. 35 years with her wasn't nearly enough, but I am certain that 135 wouldn't have been enough. I am thankful that I had the time I did, and thankful for the memories that I am left with. Mostly, I am thankful that she was MINE.

Dress up week and a Field trip

Brenna's school had theme week last week. They dressed up each day. Unfortunately I didn't know about it on Mobday for hat day, and I forgot to take a picture on Tueaday for pajama day. Yep- clearly I am front runner for mother of the year! 

On Wedneaday they had Hawaiian day. Tears were shed because I wouldn't let her wear her swim suit to school.. "Because that's what they wear in Hawaii, Mom!"  

She finally settled for her grass skirt. Hello recycled Halloween costume! 

Thursday was "Dress your best" day". Brenna insisted that it isn't a fancy dress unless it is a long dress! I don't know where she comes up with this stuff. 

Then came the highly anticipated field trip! She was so excited the night before that she couldn't sleep. This years destination was the omni, which is the same place we went last year. The show was Born to be Wild, but she was not impressed. I will admit that it was a tad boring. She did enjoy sitting with her friend Jessie though. 

After the show, the rest of the kids had to go back to the school for lunch since the park was too muddy. So most of us signed our kiddos out and left. Four of us and our kids went to Pappasitos. It was a fun lunch! 

Only poor boy in the bunch! But he was a good sport! 

After lunch Brenna and I headed to the mall per her request. She rode the ride on animals...

And are frozen yogurt...

And bought a new stuffed animal. Because apparently we don't have enough already. 

From there, we went shopping for Macie's birthday party present, and then had sno cones with Macie and her "Mrs Sara" before heading to Walmart to do the grocery shopping for Macies party. 

It was a long day, but I was grateful for some one on one time with my big girl. We don't seem to get much of that these days. I will soak it up as often as I can! 

Macie's Mother's Day Program

Last Thursday the schoolhouse had their Mothers Day program. Macie was so excited for me to come. And I was pretty excited too! I had to sneak out of a meeting to go, but it was well worth it! 

She got to wear anything she wanted, and not having to wear a uniform is a big deal to her! She picked out her own outfit and asked for piggy tails. 

When I got there, she ushered me to my seat, where I found this...

I couldn't help but laugh! Chicken nuggets?? Really Macie Claire!? 

She looked so big sitting up there with her class. But she was sure to show me her shy side as well. 

They sang several adorable songs. And she kept looking at her friend Marissa and giggling. 

Silly girl. 

I wanted a picture with her, but she was being a stinker and wouldn't pose with me. 

The above picture shows real life. My life. Every day with this one. But she eventually gave in. 

I could eat her up and pinch her ears off in the same moment! Love her mixture of sweet and sass. 

Happy 5th Birthday Macie Claire!

I know I say it every year, and I am not going to pretend I won't say it next year, but how on earth can she possibly be FIVE YEARS OLD????? It seems like yesterday she was a tiny baby and I was trying to figure out how to juggle a new baby and a 3 year old who was used to having my undivided attention. Now my babies are 5 and 8! I do miss those sweet baby snuggles, but I can honestly say that I love the stage we are in! My kids are potty trained, entertain themselves, and most importantly... they sleep through the night!!!! Well... most of the time... when there isn't a storm...with thunder. Now- if I can only get Brenna to figure out how to tie her own stinking shoes, I will consider myself a successful mom! (Note to self in 5 years when I have a teenager- remember when your biggest worry was teaching Brenna how to tie her own shoes??!!)
But back to the birthday girl!!!
We had her party on Saturday at the clubhouse in our neighborhood. It was scheduled for Pops and Memaw's house and she wanted to just have cake and play outside with her friends. 

But since we have gotten like 10 inches of rain in the last 7 days, that didn't happen. I think I was more upset than she was because this meant I had to figure out how to ENTERTAIN 7 kids for 2 hours! Not my cup of tea. But- we made it work!
Macie wanted Rainbow party with a rainbow cake AND chocolate cupcakes. SO- on Friday night I started baking. And baking. And baking. 

I should have used 3 cake mixes, but oh well. I made 2 work. And honestly, 3 would have made the cake HUGE. 2 was pretty tall. 

I did a simple decoration of M&M's. 

On Saturday morning I got busy making play dough  that was going to be out main activity for the party. 

I made 4 double batches of play dough! I am pretty sure my right arm could bench press a Buick after stirring that stuff!
The story of that play dough recipe is one of my favorites. Before I got married, some great ladies gave me a bridal luncheon. In the invites they sent out, they included a recipe card for each guest to bring me their favorite recipe. My Aunt Kim, being the NON cook she is, gave me the recipe for play dough! I laughed at the time. But in all honesty- I have used that recipe more than any other that I got that day! And it was a huge hit at the party! I took all kinds of cookie cutters and rolling pins and they had a blast!
The cake table turned out super cute- if I do say so myself!

 

I was pretty impressed with how the candles looked on the cake! 

The cupcakes, that Macie insisted she needed.....

And the rainbow fruit tray!! I'm totally not a crafty person- but I thought this turned out cute! 

This girl... I love her. 

The kiddos all started out at the play dough...

From the left...

Tia, Brenna, Maylee, Macie, Kinsley, and Wyatt. 

Next up was a balloon game. We tied balloons to strings and tied it to their waist. Then told them to sit on them to pop them. Seemed like a fun idea.... But I should have tried this one out first. Because we didn't blow the balloons up enough and they wouldn't pop! It was hysterical! 

I finally got a fork and popped them! 

The last thing we did was hippidy hop races! 

Notice Macie still has her balloon tied to her! 

By this time, they had worked up an appetite, so.... Cake time! 

I love how she is looking at her rainbow cake in this picture! 

And one last picture of the cake because, well, I was proud of it! :-) 

Graddy kept himself busy feeding baby Brycen. 

And Macie's favorite part...PRESENTS! 

She got so many great things! Thank you all for her wonderful gifts!! 

These kids- I love them all! 

And I especially love how Wyatt wanted in the picture, but he didn't want to be TOO close to those girls! 

It was a fun party! Thank you all for coming to help us celebrate our big girl! 

Her Daddy had to work on her birthday, so he gave her birthday spankings to her last night. 

She giggled the whole time! 

Since today is her actual birthday, I decorated her door, as I do for both kids on their birthday. Only this year, I realized too late that I didn't have any balloons- oops! So she just got streamers. 

And I had her birthday donut cake all ready when she woke up! (Traditions with these two kids can't be broken apparently!) 

She was so excited to wear her new shirt to school! 

When did she get so big???

I love that sweet smile. 

Tonight we are headed to Chick Fil A for a birthday dinner per her request.