I guess some days are going to be hard

For several days after the funeral, I kinda felt like I was doing ok. My crying spells were minimal. I still felt the fog, but I seemed to be dealing. 

Then Saturday hit. We got snowed in on Friday, and Josh had to go to work on Saturday. And my emotions hit. I missed her. I wanted her. I had no desire to get up and do anything. I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed. But alas- my kids needed to eat! :) I'm thankful for those 2 little girls!!!! They keep me going. Just like they did her. I guess these days are part of the process. But I wasn't prepared for it. I've been missing the companionship of my Mama for many months. But I was able to be with her and put those feelings on the back burner. Now that she isn't here to go hug or cuddle up with, I am really missing my best friend. I miss days like this...... 

Because on Josh's fire hall days she was  always there. Stepping in and tagging along wherever. 

I guess the emotions were the result of being snowed in. But it stunk. I found myself longing for her smile. Our long talks on the phone about absolutely nothing. Just her companionship. 

I loved her personality. She found something to smile about in every situation. 

So- after crying to Josh before bed, and curling up in bed next to Brenna for the night, I woke up with a better perspective on things today. We got out of the house. I've never been so glad to get out of here! First stop- Pops n Memaw's! Macie enjoyed watching her Daddy and Pops do a puzzle intended for her! 

Then we went over to mom and Dads house to write thank you notes. That was a chore! But it's done. Thank goodness!! It was nice to be there. It's hard sometimes to be there without Mom. But it feels like she's a part of us when we are there. I went into her closet to look for something tonight, and I was taken back because her closet smelled like her. It was awesome! I know it probably sounds dumb. But I soaked it in. :-) 

I don't mean to be Debbie downer today. But I want to remember these days. And these little things. I know that it will get easier. But remembering and acknowledging the bad days will help me appreciate the easier days. I hope. 

Hopefully this week will provide better days!! And LESS SNOW!!!