When Dad and I started to talk about weeding out some of Mom's things, it was very hard on me. I cried every time. But eventually I knew that it was time. Things were just sitting there. Almost one year after she gained her wings- her vanity in the bathroom still looked exactly the same as it did on February 18, 2015. Her closet still looked exactly the same- minus the clothing items that I had taken home with me.....because my Mama had great taste! Her purse was still sitting there- exactly as it was the last time she carried it. In fact- the entire house still looked the same. For a long time, that sameness brought me comfort. I needed to see things exactly as she left them. The only thing that changed was the bed spread on their bed. I bought Dad a new one soon after Mom died. It was too hard on both of us to see that same comforter sitting there on the bed that she laid under for so long. I can't even imagine how hard it was for him to crawl in that bed at night and sleep under that blanket. But everything, down to her glasses still sitting on the night stand, was exactly the same.
It was like a switch turned on one day and suddenly it was OK to start going through things. It was ok to clear off her vanity. It was ok to clean out her closet. It was ok to admit that she wasn't going to need any of these things anymore. NO- I'm not trying to pretend that I thought at any point that she was going to come back and use these things. It was just hard to make it so permanent in my mind.
So many people had told me that grief is a journey. And the only thing that would make it more bearable was time. I didn't understand this at first. How could I miss her less? How could I come to terms with life moving on without her in it? I didn't want to miss her less. In my mind-if it hurt less, then I didn't miss her. But just as everyone said- with time- it did hurt less. But I also came to realize that just because it hurt wasn't as unbearable and raw- I STILL missed her just as much. Some days it hit me a little harder than others. Some days I could face life just like normal. It's a cycle. A journey.
And one day- just as so many people told me would happen- I realized it was time. And it was ok for life to go on. It was ok to let go of "things". It was ok to admit that the wonderful memories I have and cherish are not tied to all of these things. Y'all- a weight was lifted off of me that day that I just can't explain. I had anticipated how hard it would be to admit that we needed to start going through and getting rid of things. And as it turns out- the anxiety was not needed. No one forced me to do it. It was done on my own time. My own decision. My Daddy will never know how thankful I am to him for not forcing me to do it sooner. True- I had some nudges. Life was changing. Maybe God had planned those "nudges/changes" all along so that I would know that it was time. But even with those changes- no one forced me to do anything. If anything- it was me who was convincing those around me (Dad and Josh) that it was time and that I was ok with it.
I will never forget one day on my drive home from work I was talking to Dad, as I do every day at 4:00 on my way home, and I said that I was starting to feel that it was ok to go through her things. And in our conversation Dad said "She is so far ABOVE THINGS." That phrase rang in my ears for a long time, and still does. There was so much truth to that. She IS so far above material things! She is walking the streets of gold. She is worshiping at the feet of Jesus. She is healed! CANCER FREE! And when you think about it- when you are in the presence of Jesus- things don't matter! She is so far above that! If given the choice, I know she wouldn't even want to come back to earthly possessions. She attained the ultimate goal- eternity in Heaven. She lives in a place where THINGS are irrelevant, where happiness abounds, where there are no more trials and tribulations, no stress, no sickness, no suffering. NO CANCER. No matter how much she loves us, she wouldn't want to come back. And we love her enough to understand that. In my mind, if given the option, she would have a happy smile on her face and say "I'll just wait here for them!"
So- after the decision was made, I needed to get started. Like right then. I was probably scared that the acceptance and peace would fade if I didn't get it done quickly, who knows. I knew that Dad was moving the living room furniture and bedroom furniture out so that they could move Kathy's stuff in. In my mind, I was ok with that. I knew that the bedroom suit HAD to be a hard thing for Dad. All of my last memories of Mom involved her laying in that bed, covered in that comforter that we had already gotten rid of. I hated those memories. With a passion. Those were the hardest times of my life. I can't imagine if I had to sleep in that bed every night. I would want to get rid of it too. I showed up that same day and cleaned out the vanity. Not because anyone told me I had to, but because I NEEDED TO. And as I was finishing up, the movers showed up to take the bedroom suit. And suddenly, all of the courage and strength I had- or thought I had- went right out the window. I LOST IT. It was hard. I had to leave. I had to shed my tears. I had to let go in my own way. But- it was time. And just because it was time- doesn't mean it was easy. But we were never promised easy.
Two days later, I woke up, and suddenly it was time to clean out her closet. Like-right this minute. Luckily I have a husband that doesn't get frustrated with me too easily and supports my impulsive need to do things NOW instead of in a normal relaxed time frame. So we all loaded up and headed to Dad's house on a Sunday morning and started cleaning things out while he and Kathy were at church. One would think this was an easy undertaking.... but the one who would think that has never met my Mother, and doesn't know her ability to cram massive amounts of stuff into small places, and make it look organized! Oh yall- the STUFF we pulled out of there was crazy. Pictures for days. Yearbooks, Shoes, Pajamas, Purses, and SO. MUCH. MORE. We were there several hours, and we never even got to moving any clothes around!! It was crazy! And Josh kept saying "I can hear her laughing because I am having to clean out her closet! Yep- she's laughing at me!" And he was oh so correct. That was Mom's sense of humor. And described her and Josh's relationship perfectly!
We laughed our way through the entire closet. We had to. That's the only way you can do anything like that- laughter. Yes- I shed a couple of tears. But the laughter is what get's us through any situation. That is how Mom and I got through the tough times- we laughed! Yes- I do cry. There is a time for a good cry. But I feel fairly confident that if I spent all of my time crying- my Mama would come back and wear my butt out! She wasn't one for wallowing in tears. I never will forget her reaction the day we found out that the cancer was back, which meant that our hopes of her being cured were gone. After it sunk in for a bit, and we all shed a couple of tears, she wrapped me up in her arms and told ME that it was all going to be ok, and that she wasn't done fighting yet. Then she looked at me and said "Let's go to Rio Mambo happy hour! I'm hungry, and you and Daddy need a beer!" That was my Mama- always concerned about everyone else and finding any way possible to enjoy those she loved!
SO- back to her things. It was time to clean out. I had taken home so much stuff that my house was starting to bust at the seams. Pretty much every week I came home with 5-6 things from Mom's house. I am a sentimental person- but there just becomes a point when you can't keep it all! I had reached that point. So many things had memories connected to them- but once again- you can't keep it all! I finally came to terms that the memories would stay around even without the things. So I forced Dad to set a garage sale date, and we began working!
I knew that he and Kathy would be combining 2 households, and she had a house full of stuff as well, so she and I went through things like the kitchen together and decided what they wanted to keep, what I wanted, and what to get rid of. And the sheer amount of STUFF that we had to get rid of was mind numbing! As the weekend of the sale got closer, Aunt Susan and Mimi offered to come and help us the weekend of the garage sale. I asked them to come the weekend before instead- since I could tell that would be when I would need the most help. And I knew that going through Mom's things would be too hard on Kim and Nina, so I didn't even ask them to help. I tried to make this process as easy on everyone as I could.
On the Friday before the garage sale, Mimi and Aunt Susan came in to help us. And oh boy did they help!!! As soon as they walked in, Aunt Susan said "what can I do?" and she got started! I'm not sure she stopped all weekend. I'd post pictures, but I didn't stop to take any until Sunday! But we worked until after dinner on Friday. Then we took a mandatory card break. Dad wanted Kathy to meet Mrs. Johnson! She had met Mimi- but Mrs. Johnson is a whole different ball game! And it didn't take long before the innocent jabs started firing across the table! I've said it before and I'll say it again- Mrs. Johnson is NOT nice! hahahaha!!! And she cheats. (or at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it!)
We finally got to my house and in bed by 11. And were up bright and early for Brenna's volleyball game. They didn't play well at all, but we came away with the win in the end. And we were all soon back at Dad's house working our tails off. It was a long day once again. But we got a TON done. I had to turn off my emotions several times. I would be trucking along great- and all of the sudden WHAM- I would get blindsided by something. It was beyond hard. But it had to be done. And we got it done!! I would never survived without my Aunt Susan! She was a work horse! She and Mimi being there just made the whole process easier to bear. They will never know how appreciated they are.
I continued to work throughout the week getting things finished up and priced. It was no easy task. And I admit to becoming a little stressed when I got this text from Dad on Monday afternoon...
"Bad news.......I'm on my way to PA. Sorry not my call........."
I was sitting in interviews when it came through. I read it, and kept waiting on a second text that said "Just kidding" or "hahahaha gotcha!" But I didn't get one. He was being serious. I couldn't tell you the last time he went to PA twice in as many weeks! I had to remind myself to be thankful that he still HAS a job! It could be a whole different story. Luckily I had some time in the meetings to let it all soak in and get my mind wrapped around it. And it helped. I realized that we could do this! And we did. I worked all week any time I had getting things priced. Kathy and Mrs. Jackie (her mom) helped. Josh helped beyond belief with the sale AND the girls. And Pops and Memaw helped by keeping them on Thursday night so that we could get up early for the sale on Friday.
We called Nina and Aunt Kim to come over on Wednesday night and take one last look and see what they wanted. As hard as I knew this was on them, I wanted to make sure they got everything they wanted of Mom's before anyone else took anything. Vicki came with them and got many things that remind her of her cousin, which made my heart smile. They had such a special relationship. On Thursday night, we let a few close friends and family come and shop early. It made me feel so much better that the "things" that my Mama loved so much were going to be used, appreciated and loved by the people that meant so much to her. That somehow made this whole thing a little easier.
This is only a small portion of what we started out with.
Friday morning, the alarm went off bright and early. Well- it wasn't bright. But it sure as heck was early!! 5am kind of early. Josh and I headed out, and pulled up at Dad's at 6:30 to get the sale ready to open up at 7. However- I had no idea that Friday morning garage sale people are the real deal! There were cars pulling up at 6:30! Holy Moly Batman! We were doing our best to get things pulled out and set up and people were filtering in left and right! It was crazy. In fact- the whole morning was crazy! Kathy was even late to work because she was out there trying to help us get things set up and ready to go. So many people came, and we got rid of a ton! I got to hug many necks of wonderful people that I hadn't seen in a long time. It was a very bitter sweet time. I did really well, and kept my composure for the most part. But it was still hard. I had to pretty much turn off my brain and just focus on the task at hand instead of the big picture of what we were doing.
After we packed up, I headed off to get a pedicure- because I felt like I deserved one!! ha! And then picked up the kids from school and headed home to get the house picked up for our company. The Abners were headed to town to help us for the weekend! I am so thankful for my family and how much they support us. I couldn't do it with out them all!!
It was a great evening of just enjoying time together. The girls especially loved getting to play with Taron!!
I absolutely love hanging out with Taron and Nolan. They are so much fun. We all turned in pretty early since Josh and I had another early wake up.
I'm fairly certain that the first words out of my mouth after I rolled out of bed at 5 am for the second day in a row aren't appropriate for this public forum. It wasn't nice, and definitely not lady like. But I don't do mornings. And I especially don't do 5am. But alas- it had to be done- so I did it. Luckily the girls got to stay at home in bed, and Taron and Nolan brought them later on.
It was at least nice to have Dad there to help us that morning. 4 of us got a lot more accomplished than 3! And we were ready to go by 7am! The only problem?? We had no shoppers! No one told me that the Saturday crowd was a much later crowd than the Friday crowd! So we waited. And waited. And waited. Kathy went to get us breakfast. We ate, and waited some more. Finally about 8:30 we had our first shopper. It was weird. Lesson Learned! There was no big rush like there was on Friday. It was more like a slow trickle of people all day. But once again, I got to hug some super sweet necks of people that I absolutely adore and haven't seen in a long time.
On Friday, Josh spotted a cardinal in the yard. I tried to snap a picture but this is the best I got.
Here is the story of the cardinal...
And after Mom passed, Aunt Kim casually mentioned one day that there was a cardinal that was suddenly hanging out by a window in her back yard. She said she didn't know where it came from or why it always seemed to be there. I got CHILLS when she said this and asked if she had ever heard about red cardinals. She had NOT! So I explained it to her. And let's just say...there were tears.
Dad also noticed a new cardinal after Mom passed. Suddenly there were TWO hanging out by his kitchen window. There had only been one before Mom died. Coincidence? Maybe. I choose to think it's Mom coming back to make sure we are ok.
So- back to this weekend. On Saturday, the cardinal was seen a LOT! It sat on the point of the roof...
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| This is probably my most favorite picture. It's like she is perched up there watching over everything. |
It sat many places. The best was when it flew around the stuff at the sale and sat on a few things. We were all laughing! Once it flew right over Josh. We all joked that she was going to poop on his head! And I feel certain that would have MADE my day. Not to see him get pooped on, but the irony of "mom" doing it.... would have been pure awesomeness! It did warm my heart to think that she was there watching over us. Checking on us.
It could also be that she was there making sure I wasn't selling all her stuff for a "nickel or a dime".
When Mom was so sick, and we all got together to make sure everyone was on the same page with her stopping treatment, calling in hospice, etc.... I asked her if there was anything that she wanted from us. And in true Sherry fashion, she said "just don't come in here and sell all my stuff for a nickel or a dime." So I quickly said "ok. You got it. Is a quarter ok?" Because if you don't laugh in times like that- you explode. And I prefer not to explode. That's messy business. So I am pretty sure she was making sure that nothing was priced for a nickel or a dime. And guess what? It wasn't!! I honored my Mama's request, and nothing was marked below a quarter! :)
In the end- the sale went well. We got rid of a lot of "stuff", but not everything. Now we just have to decide what to do with the stuff that is left. But it's just stuff. And she is so far above STUFF.
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